Finda and woman's responsibility for goodness, and why chinese culture is the way that it is
Re: Finda and woman's responsibility for goodness, and why chinese culture is the way that it is
I'm adding this triad to my understanding of (the transformation proces of)my favorite trinity.
Re: Finda and woman's responsibility for goodness, and why chinese culture is the way that it is
Thanks for your interesting analysis.
I'd like to add something my original story, and explain further the consequences of my hypotheses.
I have found that people who don't have the capability to love with their heart, here in the west, have learned to 'compensate' with very loving thoughts. Like I can experience with my mother, most of the time, her 'vibe' feels very loving. But since this love, comes only from the brain, there can be some moments where the love totally disappears. So where people with a heart, will have 2 vibes simultaneously, the brain and the heart. People without a heart will only have their brain vibe.
In a moment where I was traumatized, I know my mom felt very empathetic towards me. Context: my backdoor neighbor girl-friend when I was only 3 years of age, was going to move away. And I felt all sorts of bad. And my mother must have felt just as bad for me. But the consequence of her feeling bad for me, was that her loving vibe faded away. Because the brain can only have 1 emotion occupying it at once. Where a blond mother, would both have a loving vibe from her heart as well as the empathetic 'bad' feelings in her brain.
Why does this matter? Because people with a heart have learned, presumably through evolution, that they have done something bad, whenever someone doesn't love them. This is a totally natural way of responding. So in that moment, my body noticed my mother 'not loving', something about me. And automatically, every single emotion, was marked as bad or evil or guilty. Sadly without my permission.... And because always I have believed totally those emotions were bad and guilty, I did not allow myself to feel them. Which is how they have stayed there, and have had their impact on my life.
Now what do I do about this. I think there are only 2 solutions. Both of which are crazy. One is not to trust the love coming from my mother, and shut my heart for the love coming from my mother. Which feels very bad. But I think is better than not doing so, since I still feel good about this guilt, and allow myself to feel it. So it will not have a lasting 'traumatic' impact. The second one, is to change my memories. Change what I thought my mom or someone else or I felt about those moments. In order to allow myself to feel through these emotions. The future, I will be testing out these methods, on myself. And will report back my experiences. (Although, changing a memory might not be possible, I will be trying to feel all the feelings and thoughts and physical feelings associated with out I or they felt about me and my emotions)
In the last few years I have noticed that this process would happen in moments where I truly was kind of a victim, and my mother felt so too. And so I felt my mother didn't love those emotions, because if you don't have a heart you can only display one emotion at a time, which is the feeling bad and no longer the loving emotion, which made me automatically block them. I suspect this is also what happens with jewish men. It's a really strange process, where whenever the person without a heart actually might even show empathy, and feel it too, will make the person with a heart feel still unloved. And the person with a heart will block their emotions. Another example: one day I beat my mom with some kind of game, I don't remember which game. But her vibe changed totally from loving me, to not loving me and feeling bad about herself a little. So that not loving me is a ghost vibe that doesn't actually exist, but I perceive anyway, because that's what my body thinks it must mean, when I don't feel a loving vibe anymore. My body responded totally automatically, with blocking my emotions of wanting to win et cetera.
I'd like to add something my original story, and explain further the consequences of my hypotheses.
I have found that people who don't have the capability to love with their heart, here in the west, have learned to 'compensate' with very loving thoughts. Like I can experience with my mother, most of the time, her 'vibe' feels very loving. But since this love, comes only from the brain, there can be some moments where the love totally disappears. So where people with a heart, will have 2 vibes simultaneously, the brain and the heart. People without a heart will only have their brain vibe.
In a moment where I was traumatized, I know my mom felt very empathetic towards me. Context: my backdoor neighbor girl-friend when I was only 3 years of age, was going to move away. And I felt all sorts of bad. And my mother must have felt just as bad for me. But the consequence of her feeling bad for me, was that her loving vibe faded away. Because the brain can only have 1 emotion occupying it at once. Where a blond mother, would both have a loving vibe from her heart as well as the empathetic 'bad' feelings in her brain.
Why does this matter? Because people with a heart have learned, presumably through evolution, that they have done something bad, whenever someone doesn't love them. This is a totally natural way of responding. So in that moment, my body noticed my mother 'not loving', something about me. And automatically, every single emotion, was marked as bad or evil or guilty. Sadly without my permission.... And because always I have believed totally those emotions were bad and guilty, I did not allow myself to feel them. Which is how they have stayed there, and have had their impact on my life.
Now what do I do about this. I think there are only 2 solutions. Both of which are crazy. One is not to trust the love coming from my mother, and shut my heart for the love coming from my mother. Which feels very bad. But I think is better than not doing so, since I still feel good about this guilt, and allow myself to feel it. So it will not have a lasting 'traumatic' impact. The second one, is to change my memories. Change what I thought my mom or someone else or I felt about those moments. In order to allow myself to feel through these emotions. The future, I will be testing out these methods, on myself. And will report back my experiences. (Although, changing a memory might not be possible, I will be trying to feel all the feelings and thoughts and physical feelings associated with out I or they felt about me and my emotions)
In the last few years I have noticed that this process would happen in moments where I truly was kind of a victim, and my mother felt so too. And so I felt my mother didn't love those emotions, because if you don't have a heart you can only display one emotion at a time, which is the feeling bad and no longer the loving emotion, which made me automatically block them. I suspect this is also what happens with jewish men. It's a really strange process, where whenever the person without a heart actually might even show empathy, and feel it too, will make the person with a heart feel still unloved. And the person with a heart will block their emotions. Another example: one day I beat my mom with some kind of game, I don't remember which game. But her vibe changed totally from loving me, to not loving me and feeling bad about herself a little. So that not loving me is a ghost vibe that doesn't actually exist, but I perceive anyway, because that's what my body thinks it must mean, when I don't feel a loving vibe anymore. My body responded totally automatically, with blocking my emotions of wanting to win et cetera.
Re: Finda and woman's responsibility for goodness, and why chinese culture is the way that it is
I have tried to close my heart now a couple of times, and it definitely works. And I have also asked my mother if she notices a difference, and she doesn't what so ever, so that's good. But it does get very tiring after a while. And whenever I am with another person, besides my mom, I have tried to make sure I don't close my heart at all. This is all a bit too much micro-managing. It was an interesting experiment for a few days. And I can definitely close myself off, from 'triggering vibes' this way. But I will not continue, and focus rather on feeling my feelings courageously. For a child these unloving vibes can be very scary at some moments, but I am much more courage than I used to be, so I don't think this effort of closing my heart is very necessary.
I have noticed in this short period however, that indeed it seems I have also stored the other person's feelings in my trauma's. So to feel my trauma's totally, it will require me, sometimes, to know who felt those feelings or thought those thoughts. Apparently my mind sees these feelings, in its file system or url address bar, to be someone else's. And I need to think of them this way to truly feel them.
I will post my system here, to keep some kind of record. This is the system in its entirety, so enjoy! I have tried many systems myself, some systems seem to work only some of the time, but I want to heal totally my trauma's. So I tried out everything, according to the oera linda codex, and even came up with some ideas of my own.
1. Presence in the entire body
2. If you feel a hard spot in your brain: Look through your body for intense emotions, feel these.
3. If the hard spot remains: Ask about it, with strong focus on this spot, if the emotion is:
- in your head or your body(location)
or
- is a Feeling, a thought, or a physical feeling(category)
The order of these questions matters.
-As when the emotion is the original moment of blocking, you will only get a response on its location first, and then afterwards the category will come too, by focusing on said location.
-But if it's a later triggering of this moment, which becomes a connection to the original one. You will only get a response about the category, and then afterwards its location. You will get this answer after 'tuning' your body to the 'frequency' of this category(feeling, thought or physical feeling)
Next: Ask if there is more you need to know, before feeling this emotion.
If yes:
- first, find the corresponding hard spot in your head or intense emotional spot in your body, according to its location, there you will find the description of this emotion, according to its category. But before you find the description, first ask who, felt or thought this emotion. This might be a different person than yourself.(maybe people without a heart, or who have never experienced love, don't need to do this step.)
- Then ask again: Do I need to know more about this? (while keeping a strong focus on these locations and spots, only one spot at a time, otherwise your brain doesn't understand what the question is about.)
If you do need to know more, try to find its description, deep breaths might help with this. And be truly honest with yourself.
If no:
- To feel this emotion, try to remember how fast or slow or how big the time period was, of feeling this feeling, when that moment occurred.
No need to push yourself in feeling faster, because you will need to spend about as much time feeling this emotion now, as it was then in your body. And also because you will trick yourself in believing, you have felt this emotion completely, with a sigh of relief. But then you need to try again, and continue in feeling more.
- At last: Ask if you have felt this "category" emotion completely, go back if not. And be honest, double check. Especially if the hard spot in your brain remains.
4. If the hard spot is truly hard, and unfeelable: Focus strongly on this spot, and swipe with your hand across your head, like petting a cat. (This technique is from Dr Bradley Nelson, and his book Emotion Code)
I have noticed in this short period however, that indeed it seems I have also stored the other person's feelings in my trauma's. So to feel my trauma's totally, it will require me, sometimes, to know who felt those feelings or thought those thoughts. Apparently my mind sees these feelings, in its file system or url address bar, to be someone else's. And I need to think of them this way to truly feel them.
I will post my system here, to keep some kind of record. This is the system in its entirety, so enjoy! I have tried many systems myself, some systems seem to work only some of the time, but I want to heal totally my trauma's. So I tried out everything, according to the oera linda codex, and even came up with some ideas of my own.
1. Presence in the entire body
2. If you feel a hard spot in your brain: Look through your body for intense emotions, feel these.
3. If the hard spot remains: Ask about it, with strong focus on this spot, if the emotion is:
- in your head or your body(location)
or
- is a Feeling, a thought, or a physical feeling(category)
The order of these questions matters.
-As when the emotion is the original moment of blocking, you will only get a response on its location first, and then afterwards the category will come too, by focusing on said location.
-But if it's a later triggering of this moment, which becomes a connection to the original one. You will only get a response about the category, and then afterwards its location. You will get this answer after 'tuning' your body to the 'frequency' of this category(feeling, thought or physical feeling)
Next: Ask if there is more you need to know, before feeling this emotion.
If yes:
- first, find the corresponding hard spot in your head or intense emotional spot in your body, according to its location, there you will find the description of this emotion, according to its category. But before you find the description, first ask who, felt or thought this emotion. This might be a different person than yourself.(maybe people without a heart, or who have never experienced love, don't need to do this step.)
- Then ask again: Do I need to know more about this? (while keeping a strong focus on these locations and spots, only one spot at a time, otherwise your brain doesn't understand what the question is about.)
If you do need to know more, try to find its description, deep breaths might help with this. And be truly honest with yourself.
If no:
- To feel this emotion, try to remember how fast or slow or how big the time period was, of feeling this feeling, when that moment occurred.
No need to push yourself in feeling faster, because you will need to spend about as much time feeling this emotion now, as it was then in your body. And also because you will trick yourself in believing, you have felt this emotion completely, with a sigh of relief. But then you need to try again, and continue in feeling more.
- At last: Ask if you have felt this "category" emotion completely, go back if not. And be honest, double check. Especially if the hard spot in your brain remains.
4. If the hard spot is truly hard, and unfeelable: Focus strongly on this spot, and swipe with your hand across your head, like petting a cat. (This technique is from Dr Bradley Nelson, and his book Emotion Code)